Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Lost and Found

God, The Devil and My Inferiority Complex Part 2

Most sorrow, particularly the despairing type makes it’s home in my heart when I forget who I am and what I was born to be. However, it is in this pit of muck and grim and self-pity that I often rediscover some very precious truths and discover some new joys as well.

The disquieting of my heart begins when I befriend an idol with which I’ve now decided I will measure the value of my life. Today it might be my art, tomorrow my popularity, but it doesn’t matter which one I pick the result is the same: despair. Inevitably I fail at one of my pursuits or am outshone or I realize I'm just normal. I mindlessly go through a list of things I could measure my worth against, grasping at air. You would think I’d snap out of it or at least not fall into the same snare twice, but I’m simple and the weaknesses I fight are usually the same day in and day out.

Despair comes when I decide I’m not good enough; I am not valuable.

I realize there is some kind of lie in all of this matter at some point. I look at the people around me and see how valuable they are. I don’t understand why I can’t see my own value.

The devil is fighting really hard at this point to keep me in darkness. St. Michael is whacking him on the head.

Finally, as usual I ask Jesus a question: “Lord, what have I forgotten?”

That I love you with a burning Love so great that all those little things that burden you are consumed, if you only had eyes to see.

All of a sudden I start getting a vision of this girl that God loves. The only thing about the image that matters is that God loves her and that she loves.

And then I remember: My only lot in life is to allow God to consume me so that it is no longer I who live but Christ who lives in me. Everything else is detail.

Glory be to the Father and to the Son and to the Holy Spirit.

So right after I finished this entry I went over to my kitchen counter to go through my mail. I received a sweet letter from my friend, M and she tucked in a prayer card that says: "God wants to reach out to others through your hands. He wants to speak to others through your lips, and God wants others to look into your eyes and see Him...Give God persmission..."- John Cardinal O'Connor. Tangible confirmation. Just the way I like it.


Linda said...

Your final sentence reminded me of a quote I shared with you at Panera recentlyyyy....
"Look, it comes down to whether or not you love me, that's all. That's it. The rest is detail."
;^D So true!

Derick Gross said...

Dispair comes when you do not have any hope left for something or yourself...that is why the good newes is sooooo good because it says you wil not forever be stuck with something giving you dispair change is gonna come hope is on it's way Jesus has paid the price grace means you don't have to pa :)! So i just want to speak hope into your situation and change in an awesome way is gonna come!!!!!