Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Sketching late. I spent the evening baking apple-filled cranberry muffins. The good news is that my 'Lolek' cover is almost done, but I won't be able to touch it until Sunday. I hope all you are well and getting ready to be with your loved ones.
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
If you go back many, many posts ago you will see that once upon a time I wrote a little children's book called 'Lolek' for class. I am now embarking on a tremendous journey to update my old material so I can send it out to potential publishers. Yikes! Well, here is the line art for the new cover and a few potential color keys. Give me your thoughts :D
Here is another set cooler tones. I've lightened my favorite up to compensate for the line work.
Monday, December 6, 2010
This is so exciting! I can believe I'm actually going back into the children's book I wrote back at RISD my senior year.
Thursday, December 2, 2010
So as you can expect the days when I couldn’t quite paint what I wanted and “worse” when the very ideas and worlds I wanted to convey were done more beautifully and effortlessly by close friends of mine, I felt very, very small. I dreaded being compared, I dreaded being glanced over. I dreaded having nothing to offer. At that moment I felt ugly, dumb, unloved, and not good enough. And worse I felt sorry for myself. I had all the comforts in the world, but I felt empty. On top of it all I was ungrateful. I hated myself.
It is a terribly thing to be caught in so great a lie. The devil, I am convinced, loves using small insecurities to create obsessions over things that are lies. For in fact I am not the most beautiful, but often people remark that I am pretty. I might not be able to debate with great wit and write with ease, but I’m most certainly not dumb. I might not have a boyfriend, but I feel truly loved by others. And yes, I’m not the best artist, but I’m pretty darn good.
How is it then that every once in a while I found myself in a deep well of insecurity, feeling so small like I had nothing to offer?
Well, there are several ways to get to that awful place and I’m going to tell you my theories. I’m pretty sure I’m right. The lies you believe might be different, but maybe you’ve experienced something similar.
The Devil lost me long ago, but he is still around looking at any moment to get me back. He is not an idiot he knows that I’m no longer (usually) drawn into serious sin when I am weak, so he has to take a few extra steps. He’s crossed off a few choices that he can’t coax me into anymore, because I know they won’t make me happy. I know they’re sugarcoated poison. But I’m still sensitive and often insecure and that’s all he needs to work with.
The key for the evil one’s plan is now even subtler. He will make me believe that by pursuing and fulfilling the ideals of beauty, fame, intelligence, popularity and romance I will become a whole and worthy person. Only then will this insecurity fade. After all, wanting to be attractive, acknowledged, smart and well liked aren’t bad things. The word ‘sin’ doesn’t immediately come to mind…
In retrospect, I realize that I’ve been coaxed and that I’ve listened.
…So go my dear, pursue these things for look at yourself, young men are now used to looking upon perfect women, you wouldn’t want to disappoint. Nobody will every take you seriously if you can’t match their knowledge of history, and look how alone you felt during all those parties, better work on that too. It is wise for you to worry about the future; you don’t want to come home to an empty house every night, do you? Now, don’t look so sad my dear, at least you are doing well with your art, but isn’t it too bad that you are still second-rate. Oh I know you get plenty of praise, but you’re still just not there. Just compare yourself. Compare yourself.
Now where is My Lord and My God in all of this?
He is waiting for my ear and heart to turn His Way and ask two very important questions. “Who am I?” and then, “What do you want of me?”.
But until I ask those questions, I find myself trying to get out of that spiral by devising plans to achieve all those goals. And the Devil is gleeful, because I have forgotten who I am and the God who loves me. These goals will never be achieved because there is always something more to covet. His lie is alive.
I know this sounds silly. But I have many friends who start tearing up because they think they don’t look good in a bathing suit, or because they are not talented enough, or smart enough. As the outsider and the friend you think they’re crazy! They’re so valuable and kind and creative. What are they talking about? You might think it’s a good idea to slap them out of such on obvious falsehood. It’s always obvious when it’s someone else.
The longer you persist in conversation with the evil one the harder it is to stop. But STOP, and turn your eyes to the heavens and call out to Jesus and ask Him, “Who am I?”And He’ll say quick and loud as thunder, “ You are my beloved daughter”, “You are my beloved son”. Then ask, “What is it you want of me?” And He’ll say, in some way or another, “Your heart; all that you are. Be perfect as my Father in heaven is perfect.”
Stay with Him there.
In that quiet I’ve seen my true self as God’s beloved daughter called to true goodness, to true perfection. Perfect looks so different in God’s eyes, and is so much more exciting!
Do not be afraid to ask! Ask often, I forget all the time.
Most people think that if they give their hearts to God they will have to forget about everything else, but the truth is once you put your confidence in God and not in yourself and what others say you must be going about your life becomes joyful, because your are no longer on an anxious pursuit to become worthy of love. Living with God is living in reality; a land of truth where all the smallest lies are brought into the light.
The pursuit of SELF-esteem is a distorted, winding journey, because truly we are looking for confidence in something perfect that can’t be ourselves because we are flawed. We inevitably fall into either arrogance: believing we are more than we are or self-loathing: believing we are less than we are. No wonder humility is so hard to come by and so highly prized. The humble man is so calm, so unshaken by the affairs of the world and the whispers he might hear. The humble man knows who he is and what is expected of him. He only weeps when God weeps.
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Friday, November 12, 2010
The other day during a Non-Harassment Seminar at work I was doodling (and listening at the same time!) and I began to think, wow, sisters and nuns with habits wear the same thing their entire lives! I asked myself if I could ever manage to do such a thing. Blue is my favorite color, I could probably stand to wear blue everyday for a very long time, I thought. So I began to sketch out a habit I could potentially see myself wearing forever until the day I died. The sketch that came out is the one on the left. Of course, I'd need a work day outfit with fewer layers so I fashioned another one right after in brighter colors. I'd be out in the sun, I imagined, so yellow would be perfect, and you know patterns are so cheerful I'll add some on the hem, as long as they hold some meaning to the Christian life I'm sure it would be ok.
Almost immediately, I came out of my silly daydream and laughed. I wanted to be a pretty, well-dressed nun! I have this immediate desire to want to beautify everything, which is not a bad thing, but habits are modest and practical for a reason. My little daydream was pure fantasy although it wasn't just composed of me having an awesome habit. Some of my core desires would have to change if I ever was called to the religious life, which I've always been ok with. I don't feel guilty that my desires haven't changed. These silly little day dreams are however a testament at how beautifully some of these sisters and brothers I've met live out their lives. Their testimonies do tempt me in a small ways to force my desires to change so I can live as they do, but I know it's not necessary because the Lord will call me to my own path and that path will be laid out especially for me because He knows best how to lead me on the road of sanctification.
More reasons I'd make a terrible nun:
a) Often, unfortunately, I think, ‘Ok, after I pray and meditate the Rosary, I can finish reading the end of my fantasy novel!!... Crap, I'm more excited about this silly novel than I am about spending some time with the Lord, man I suck...'
b) Bad circulation... too much kneeling makes me cry. Often I have to spend my prayer time with my legs propped up on some pillows so I'm not distracted by my legs complaining.
c) To my personal disdain, I'm more romantic than most, hence the love of fairytale based novels. I'm sure I'd forget myself if I saw a cute boy. I'd check to see if my hair looked ok and then I'd remember that I'm wearing a veil and that I'm a nun and that no you can't go to the ball with him.
d) I'd get kicked out like Maria Von Trapp for sneaking an afternoon in the mountains. Once in a while I get this spontaneous desire to disappear and go on an adventure.
And this is where my post crazy-day ramble ends.
Have a lovely day. For real.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Thursday, October 21, 2010
I love 'The Thin Line of Sanctity'. It is very thin. Pray for prudence; pray to be a good listener because often time we can’t quite see where that line is. It’s hard to walk on an invisible tight rope without someone leading you. And when you think you can do it all by yourself you're blind without even knowing it, which means it's time to pray. Ask for His Hand always and forever.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
You look at a full moon and think of the Eucharist.
You read the abbreviation "St" and think of "saint", not "street".
When you see a CD with the letters "DRE" written on it, and instead of the hip-hop artist, you think "Director of Religious Education".
Fridays in Lent are challenging. (As they should be.)
You're appalled when friends have birthday parties on Good Friday (though, admittedly, it's tough being a Lent baby).
When traveling, it's exciting trying to find the local Catholic church to attend.
It's annoying, when text messaging, if your phone's predictive text feature takes FOREVER to supply the ackronyms "Fr" or "Sr" when typing the name of a priest or nun.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
You know you’re a Catholic GEEK when:
1) You get home at 3am on a Friday night because you went to Mass and decided to stay and chat with a girlfriend about God, chastity, and how Cardinal Sean’s* voice is so deep he sounds like Santa Claus.
2) 4th of July Fireworks make you think of Pentecost.
3) You know where the ‘religious’ section is in every Barnes and Nobles in your area.
4) You have Pope John Paul II as your desktop background.
5) You look for a “Which kind of religious sister or nun would you be?” Quiz on the Internet and upon finding none, get exasperated because the Internet isn’t meeting your entertainment needs. *
*P.S. Cardinal Sean O'Malley is a blogger. Visit his site @ http://www.cardinalseansblog.org.
*In response to my no response on the interwebs I will make a quiz shortly.
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Hey Peeps, I have a new Faith/Art Blog I just started, where I post art, talk about my faith life and any other random thing I think is cool. Please visit, comment & follow. I'm also going to be posting some art demos there for anybody whose interested.
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Legend of Ga’Hoole: The Owls of Ga’Hoole
★ ★ ★ 1/2
A.K.A The Owl Movie. This film feels exactly like living your favorite fantasy novel you read as a kid; it might not win the Pulitzer but it makes you happy. The visual aspect of the movie is breathtaking, but I feel the film could have used six more months of polish time. A clearer direction and better pacing would have helped, as well as a more restrained use of slow motion. However, if you enjoy adventure, brave animals going into serious battle and a movie with a big heart (and OWLS!!) The Legend of Ga’Hoole is worth your pennies at the box office.
Hmm... and I can quite decide if an Owl City pop song can live alongside a Lord of the Rings wannabe score...
Florence and the Machine
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
Amazing. Beautiful. Fantastic.
Listen to these and judge for yourself!
Disney Fairies @ DisneyFairies.com
★ ★ ★ ★
Disney Fairies online now offers a new gaming experience. You create your fairy character and explore the world of Pixie Hollow where the fairies live. Although it is obviously geared to kids 13 and under, I am “proud” to announce that I’m experiencing my first gaming “addiction”. I work in the gaming industry so this is monumental. I never quite understood how people would want to spend hours a day gaining achievements in an imaginary world. Scratch that, I never understood how on earth it could become an addiction. Now, I have to make sure that I stay in the ‘I play only an hour a day at most’ zone.
I love the Bubble Bounce Game!
The graphics are extremely beautiful, and as an artist I am grateful for that. I personally have trouble investing myself in a world that I don’t find aesthetically pleasing in some way. All the little assets in the game are well considered, sometimes even above the visual bar that is standard for kids’ games. I highly recommend this!
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Sunday, September 5, 2010
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Monday, August 23, 2010
Thursday, August 12, 2010
So, yes, I thought, "Why not try out for a play, you've always wanted to." So, I went online and looked up community theatre troupes in my area. I prayed really hard that something suitable would come up. I don't think there could have been anything more suitable than Alice in Wonderland. I mean I used to go around elementary school with the book under my arm, I made my mother make me the dress from the 1985 Alice movies, and I had my dad film my rendition of the story.
Sunday, August 1, 2010
This little spot illustration will be featured in the Providence Monthly. Thank you so much Alli for thinking of me. It will be printed on newsprint, which does not lend itself to detail so I restrained myself (it was really hard, I had this whole star pattern picked out :) )
Friday, June 25, 2010
Friday, May 28, 2010
The Twelve Months is a Russian Fairytale that was translated into a film by Toei Animation in 1980. I loved the story as a kid and I couldn't wait to do my own take on it.
This is the small thumbnail I did of the cover before I started. I knew I was going to do it in watercolors, and I prefer to have everything worked out before I start. Watercolors are not very forgiving and require a lot of patience. This is really is the most important tool you will ever use when you watercolor: PATIENCE.
For the most part I work layers from light to dark, although sometimes I work in the darkest darks just so I can see what my range is going to be, and so I can preserve the focus where I want it.
This is the final watercolor.
This is the final cover with text, snow, and a couple of small tweaks.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Monday, March 29, 2010
She's created a cast of amazing characters and I wanted to to draw Angora. The process to make this piece was pretty simple; beginning with a pencil drawing and rendered with watercolors.
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Ah! Something that I've done that I can actually show. Weeeeeee!
I want to have something to show book publishers so I can do some illustrations on the side. After working exclusively digitally since I left school (except for my crayola marker phase) going back to watercolors was bliss.
Let me know what you think :)
Also, I expect to see a great many of you at Comic Con this summer. Are you coming? You better be!
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Um, it's totally frustrating to be under NDA, but I'm trying my best to do some my own art as well.
I'm all settled in into my little home. I did a marker sketch of it a little while ago. The flowers are no longer there since the snow has ravaged the front yard, but they'll be there soon again!
I started thinking about a little comic project based on a story I'd started to formulate a year ago. If you look back some entries you will find a few color swatches involving a wall.
The comic project is currently called "The Wall", and is of course looking to be a longer commitment than I had previously thought, but I'm really excited to finish a story for once. Here are is a layout I did (which will probably change), and a sketch of one of the protagonists. I'll be posting more things as this progresses.