I will try to give some cogent updates.
Recently, I had one of those days known by all humans at some point I hope — it consoles me to think so — where I just had an overwhelming disgust and disappointment in myself. Maybe that doesn't happen to you? Well, you must have transcended that temptation by the firmness in your foundation built on the knowledge that God loves The-Person-You-Are, even if you have not yet become The-Person-You-Ought-To-Be.
All these very nice truths were somewhere else while my view became smaller and smaller, darker and scarier. The-Person-God-Wants-Me-To-Be didn't seem all that great and rewarding. A friend called me "thoughtful." I thought, how horrible I'm "thoughtful." I want to be witty and dazzling and preeeeeetty. Nobody will love me and want me for being thoughtful. Nobody cares about being thoughtful. Apparently, it mattered to my friend, but I was too far gone in my muddled headspace. I've written about this battle within the mind to understand where true worth comes from before, so I'll spare you the coming back to sanity details. The only reason I'm mentioning this is that I've been reading a little bit about the philosophical writings JPII formulated on Humanism. During Vatican II he was trying to answer the world's major questions about the nature of the human person. He thought there was a intense need to fight against the widespread ideology that a person's worth was measured by how useful they are to me — utilitarianism— by demonstrating that a human being's value is intrinsic and God-given. And as I've said before, once one is free from trying to gain one's worth by being "useful" one is free to pursue truth and receive grace in order to become The-Person-I-Ought-To-Be and become a self-donating gift to God, Others and Yourself (which is pretty "useful" in the truest sense). Sometimes my vision is narrow, and I do not understand how I am supposed to make a gift of myself without loosing myself. I don't understand how that doesn't lead to misery. The idea of giving myself up entirely to God is terrifying, and he is perfect and awesome. But I know that this "giving" is not the kind of service often equated with Doormat Syndrome. It is much more radical than that. It is service that calls you to act in the most loving way in each circumstance of your life and that love can be manifested in many ways. It might call you to say No or Yes, to stay or to leave. The Image of Self-Gift is Our Lord: "It is in God the Holy Trinity, a "community" of self-giving "persons" who lose nothing of their uniqueness in their radical self-giving, that we see confirmed the Law of Gift and the truth about freedom as freedom-for-self donation." (Witness to Hope, WEIGEL, pg. 176). And it is in prayer that I hope He will teach me to know His Truth better and hopefully, help me become a Good Gift that bears His Love to others. Yay Hurray! To End:
The Love of God is the The Love that sets us free from fear in order to Love, to become true gifts to creation. In freedom we have the ability to seek and meet truth and become truly ourselves; deeply human and amazed by the Grace that animates us.
- 2 -Hi! If you skipped that paragraph you have to work on your attention-span skills or I have to work on my ability to reach readers with my quasi-confusing reasoning :D Either way I'm happy you are still here! My cat, Toulouse is huge and sometimes I use him when I do squats.... it is very effective.
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Anytime I take a trip somewhere I flirt with the city and tell it I will move there soon. But after I'm gone my flaky heart comes to the surface and my promise of forever becomes a maybe.
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I was fresh out of ideas of what the heck to to write, when I remembered this anecdote Jason Evert tosses around in his talks and books:
"In high school, I (Jason) knew I had met my soulmate. We went to a few dances together and I could envision myself with her forever. Today, she's married to a friend of mine. In college, I met a girl and never felt so strongly about a woman before. We dated... until she broke up with me and later married a friend of mine. Then, I met the girl I knew I was going to marry. We knew we were soulmates. We dated for years, talked about marriage, and even tried on wedding rings. But I broke up with her, and she —you guessed it— married a friend of mine. Then, I met another girl and absolutely knew in my heart that she was the one. We dated for years, and talked to her parents about marriage. But we didn't end up marrying. In case you are wondering, she also married a friend of mine... The reason I gave this litany of relationships is to prove that you can't judge the future of a relationship by the intensity of your emotions... Therefore, it is wise to reserve for marriage the forms of affection that belong to it."
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This is a freebee since there have been TWO long updates.
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This freelance thing is pretty great. If I want to go out and run right now I can!!!
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Korra is NOT on Netflix anymore. Mad.
Please Visit Jen @ Conversion Diary
Please Visit Jen @ Conversion Diary