Well this has been quite the year. I still don't know where God is going with it all, but there's hope that even I can't screw it all up if I try my darndest to remain faithful. The following passage has sort of been my theme prayer for today and yesterday and the day before that.
"Therefore, I will trust Him, whatever I am, I can never be thrown away. If I am in sickness, my sickness may serve Him, in perplexity, my perplexity may serve Him. If I am in sorrow, my sorrow may serve Him. He does nothing in vain. He knows what He is about. He may take away my friends. He may throw me among strangers. He may make me feel desolate, make my spirits sink, hide my future from me. Still, He knows what He is about."
- John Henry Cardinal Newman
And it is a comfort to know that I'm not in charge. I just have to say yes.
Yes to moving to Boston.
Yes to figuring out finances with my arty brain.
Yes to finding a job or jobs.
Yes to each new day.
Yes to the unknown.
Today I sat down with a couple of my gal pals who are getting their books published too (or have already!) And it was so exciting to learn all the ways to market a book and make money! Honestly as ignorant I am about finance in general, it made me want to learn how to do it all! Manage expenses, mail books personally and put together talks. It's daunting for a I-Just-Want-To-Draw girl like me. The last time a felt on top of things was in High School.
The problem is I live in my head too much. I could daydream and draw my way through life if I didn't have to make money to you know eat and be an adult. I just want to make things. A tree house. A pop-out book. A mural. For nothing. I just like doing those things. Contracts, taxes and profits make me squirm. Maybe once I learn how to do all that like I pro I'll really like it. And I'll kick myself in the shins for not getting excited earlier. And I'm the daughter of an extremely successful finance director. But anyhoo. Let's talk about something more exciting like...
The CATCHING FIRE PREMIERE (Gleeeful Sounds)
I don't know why I've devoured these books a gillion times. But I have and tomorrow I'm wearing my nerdy mockingjay pin proudly and staying up way too late... again. Staying up with my sister while she writes her papers has been cozy and cathartic but very irresponsible. She slips in episodes of "Growing Pains" and it's like I can't stop to sleep. Or she'll show me performances from 'The Voice' or 'X Factor' and there goes half the night.
So again I hope I can handle all the things I feel very bad at doing. If I do them well, it's only because of Grace. I'm naturally only wired to draw, read fairytales, talk about very silly things and listen to very serious things. All the practical stuff... uff. It's like martian.